I believe that I may have mentioned previously that we are graced with a typical small town newspaper, complete with proof-reading by SpellCheck. The editors love to put all of the police blotter on the front page, as if this will be a come-on for prospective home-owners looking for a place to retire or relocate.
This evening I was enthralled by the headline in our local “newspaper”: WOMAN CHARGED IN SWORD ATTACK. The article has this intriguing lead-off:
A Lebanon woman is accused of attacking her neighbor with a sword Saturday evening at the motel where they both reside.
It is actually worth checking out the newspaper’s article containing the full details of this incident. I particularly like the precision of detail given by the victim as he describes how his attacker “approached him and tried to punch him with her left fist. In self-defense, he struck back with his right fist. . .”
You should bear in mind that the Red Fox Motel and its inhabitants are our direct neighbors at the back line of our property. It used to be a state of the art motel along historic Route 66, but now has devolved to dive-dom, possibly even slumdom.
However, that was not my favorite article tonight. The following report was on the back page of the paper. I would love to provide you with a link, but unfortunately our little paper’s website only lists the front page articles, the obituaries and the local school sports news. So, I am providing you with an exact copy, with all errors intact, of my very favorite article from the Lebanon Daily Record so far this year.
TRUCKS, SISTERS COLLIDE – Woman charged with misdemeanor assault
From LDR staff
A Lebanon woman is accused of smashing her husband’s truck into his twin brother’s truck, causing it to hit her sister’s car, then getting out and attacking her sister early Sunday morning.
Raquel Lynn Dampier, 25, is charged with a Class A misdemeanor assault, according to the Laclede County Prosecuting Attorney’s office.
At about 2:20 a.m. Sunday, police were dispatched to the 800 block of North Adams Avenue afer receiving a report of a fight between several people, according to a probable cause statement from the Lebanon Police Department.
Police arrived on the scene to find three vehicles had been involved in a collision, and three people were in the street, arguing.
Her husband told police he and his sister-in-law had been outside the house trying to find a way in because she had lost her key when they heard the truck coming fast down the street.
Dampier provided police with a written statement, saying she came around the corner of Adams and Curry, she saw the 1998 Dodge Ram pickup truck her husband had been driving parked out in front of the residence where she lives with her sister.
Seeing the truck there infuriated her, so she rammed the rear end with the 1995 Ford F150 pickup she was driving, causing the Ram to hit her sister’s 1997 Chevrolet Cavalier, she told police in her written statement.
After the crash, Dampier got out of the truck and ran over to where her sister and husband were standing, her sister told police. Dampier accused her sister of have (sic) an extra martital (sic) affair with her husband and attacked her, the sister said.
Dampier allegedly pulled out handfuls of her sister’s hair and punched her in the face several times, the probable cause statement said.
Dampier told police she only struck back after her sister attacked her first.
The three had stopped fighting by the time police arrived.
Dampier wrote in her statement that at one point in the fight, her husband held her down so her sister could kick her, but no evidence she was kicked was visible to police, according to the report.
Whew. Take acouple of deep breaths and a moment to digest all that. I am fascinated by the typos and grammatical errors that creep into the narrative at the most seamy part of the scenario, almost as if the reporter was so carried away by the story that (s)he could not focus on the technical part of writing.
“Just your ordinary Ozarks disfunctional family,” was Jim’s comment. I am intrigued by the scene so poignantly presented. There is a whole novel contained in that oh-too-short vignette. The first of many questions that come to mind is “What about the husband’s twin brother?”
Do you suppose any alcohol was involved?
wow – that’s some story alright
Local papers and local news shows can be entertaining, alright!
I must admit, I miss reading a “real paper” since moving to a large city. I can’t even subscribe to a large paper – none of them will deliver one here.
Good grief, all of human life is there. Shakespeare would have loved it!
I have to admit when I posted this article I was thinking of all my blog friends who are editors of some sort and how amused they might be by the egregious misuse of the English language. But the story itself just struck me. I mean, you can think about it and the ramifications and speculate on the back story. I think I read it four or five times.
I used to live in a couple of really small towns, about 1200 people apiece, and the local newspaper was one of the most entertaining things in the places. My parents took the small town paper from the first town I lived in after I moved away from home for several years, even after I left there. My mother used to read it aloud, and laugh.
Having been married to a small town police chief, I could tell you stories even better than that. But not today.
When I visited my mother in Taos I was astounded at what they published in the local papers there. Your story reminded me very much of the content of those newspapers. Hilarious stuff.
I am amazed at how others find one’s errors in life so amuzing and this covers not only my bad judgements and ill behavior but also the reporters mistakes. As humans, error is an everyday norm as is finding and pointing out the errors that others make. “Judge not lest the be judged.” I was wrong for my reaction that followed the actions of my husband and little sister, the emotional pain, hate, and betrayl I felt does not justify my behavior in anyway.To humor you a little more, no I wasn’t drinking and as for the twin he is the owner of the truck that my husband was driving that I hit. I personally don’t think it will make a good novel, too many like it i think.
Dear Raquel,
Thank you for visiting my blog and answering a couple of questions I posed. I am very sorry for your pain. I’m sure having your family’s laundry washed in public by the LDR only added to the discomfort you felt. I’m sure my writing a blog post featuring the article was extremely upsetting to you. If it is any consolation, and I’m sure it probably isn’t much, according to the statistics kept by my blog server, only 29 people have actually visited this blog post. The LDR article probably reached a lot more than that.
We’ve all made errors. I don’t find the actual events amusing, just the way our lovely paper chose to cover it. The reporter’s mistakes include not just the inability to write correct English spelled correctly, but the use of completely wrong words. This is a long-standing habit of the LDR, and has irritated me for years. Myself and many other people have complained to the editors, and the only answer we ever get is “We are doing the best we can.” Well, their best would get them a “D” in any college course. In my opinion, a newspaper is not just a source of news, it is also a medium for delivering knowledge to the community, and not just knowledge of “what happened.” The paper has a duty to present language in its purest form. In this, the Lebanon Daily Record fails miserably. That was what I was trying to convey in this post, the story involving you was used as an example of how poorly our newspaper scores in grammar, spelling, and correct word usage.
“Judge not , that ye be not judged” is the way that quotation appears in the King James version of the Bible, Matthew 7:1. Or you can find another spot, Luke 6:37 “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged.” This is an often mis-quoted phrase, as are many of the aphorisms found in the Holy Bible.
I hope that your family situation has improved since the events covered by the LDR. I understand about sisters and husbands better than you probably know, actually. There have been a few things in my life that would burn your ears if I told you about them. Fortunately, none of them has resulted in a police report and coverage by the local paper.
Take care, and be well.
We live close to each other and I have been thinking of something constructive to do with The Red Fox. It definitely does not help our neighborhoods much!
As for the event in question, I have no knowledge… but I find it lacking when somebody makes a BIG mistake such as attacking somebody physically and plowing a vehicle into another vehicle on purpose, and then proclaims that all people make mistakes.
Yes. That is true. All people make mistakes. I am sure there are some mistakes in my writing right now, and I will make more mistakes throughout the day. However, I have never known such violent actions as “mistakes” so much as they are “crimes”.