I believe that I may have mentioned previously that we are graced with a typical small town newspaper, complete with proof-reading by SpellCheck. The editors love to put all of the police blotter on the front page, as if this will be a come-on for prospective home-owners looking for a place to retire or relocate.
This evening I was enthralled by the headline in our local “newspaper”: WOMAN CHARGED IN SWORD ATTACK. The article has this intriguing lead-off:
A Lebanon woman is accused of attacking her neighbor with a sword Saturday evening at the motel where they both reside.
It is actually worth checking out the newspaper’s article containing the full details of this incident. I particularly like the precision of detail given by the victim as he describes how his attacker “approached him and tried to punch him with her left fist. In self-defense, he struck back with his right fist. . .”
You should bear in mind that the Red Fox Motel and its inhabitants are our direct neighbors at the back line of our property. It used to be a state of the art motel along historic Route 66, but now has devolved to dive-dom, possibly even slumdom.
However, that was not my favorite article tonight. The following report was on the back page of the paper. I would love to provide you with a link, but unfortunately our little paper’s website only lists the front page articles, the obituaries and the local school sports news. So, I am providing you with an exact copy, with all errors intact, of my very favorite article from the Lebanon Daily Record so far this year.
TRUCKS, SISTERS COLLIDE — Woman charged with misdemeanor assault
From LDR staff
A Lebanon woman is accused of smashing her husband’s truck into his twin brother’s truck, causing it to hit her sister’s car, then getting out and attacking her sister early Sunday morning.
Raquel Lynn Dampier, 25, is charged with a Class A misdemeanor assault, according to the Laclede County Prosecuting Attorney’s office.
At about 2:20 a.m. Sunday, police were dispatched to the 800 block of North Adams Avenue afer receiving a report of a fight between several people, according to a probable cause statement from the Lebanon Police Department.
Police arrived on the scene to find three vehicles had been involved in a collision, and three people were in the street, arguing.
Her husband told police he and his sister-in-law had been outside the house trying to find a way in because she had lost her key when they heard the truck coming fast down the street.
Dampier provided police with a written statement, saying she came around the corner of Adams and Curry, she saw the 1998 Dodge Ram pickup truck her husband had been driving parked out in front of the residence where she lives with her sister.
Seeing the truck there infuriated her, so she rammed the rear end with the 1995 Ford F150 pickup she was driving, causing the Ram to hit her sister’s 1997 Chevrolet Cavalier, she told police in her written statement.
After the crash, Dampier got out of the truck and ran over to where her sister and husband were standing, her sister told police. Dampier accused her sister of have (sic) an extra martital (sic) affair with her husband and attacked her, the sister said.
Dampier allegedly pulled out handfuls of her sister’s hair and punched her in the face several times, the probable cause statement said.
Dampier told police she only struck back after her sister attacked her first.
The three had stopped fighting by the time police arrived.
Dampier wrote in her statement that at one point in the fight, her husband held her down so her sister could kick her, but no evidence she was kicked was visible to police, according to the report.
Whew. Take acouple of deep breaths and a moment to digest all that. I am fascinated by the typos and grammatical errors that creep into the narrative at the most seamy part of the scenario, almost as if the reporter was so carried away by the story that (s)he could not focus on the technical part of writing.
“Just your ordinary Ozarks disfunctional family,” was Jim’s comment. I am intrigued by the scene so poignantly presented. There is a whole novel contained in that oh-too-short vignette. The first of many questions that come to mind is “What about the husband’s twin brother?”
Do you suppose any alcohol was involved?