At home

Had a dream last night.

I was traveling somewhere with a large group of people.   I’m not sure, but I think we were an orchestra on tour.   Not important.   We were getting on or off whatever it was we were traveling in:  a plane or a boat.   There was a long flight of stairs, I had a rather heavy bag.  It was packed with all my clothes, plus there were bottles of stuff in it:  perfume, olive oil, honey.

I sat it down at the top of the stairs, and somehow it fell.   I watched it cartwheel down the stairs, tumbling and bouncing, until it finally landed with a crash on the pavement at the bottom of the stairs.   I watched it fall helplessly, hoping that the bottles of liquid wouldn’t break when it landed.   Finally, I went down to investigate, only to discover that everything had broken and my clothes were covered in perfume and honey and olive oil.   I knew I needed to do something right away, so I took the luggage into the building and there was a laundromat there with two machines.

I sorted my stuff into light and dark, and stuffed the two machines with the reeking garments.   Even my shoes went in.   I had no change for the machines, so I went out and asked the people around if they had money.   They all willingly showered me with quarters, and I went back in the laundry and started the machines.   Shortly, the machines began to overflow with soapy water and clothes flowing out the top.  The floor was knee deep in water, reeking of perfume.

I realized I needed more space for the task, so I took an armful of the wet clothes that were overflowing out of the machine and went in search of another washing machine.   Sure enough, across the hall there was another machine and I put the wet things into it.   Then I realized I needed more quarters, so I went out to try to find some more.   As the person I was talking to was looking for change in her purse for me, the alarm clock went off and I woke up.

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I walked Ruby early this morning.   We left shortly after 5 a.m., while the world was still illuminated by stars and streetlights.

When I got to the Conservation area, it was very dark in the areas under the trees.   It is the dark of the moon, and a clear night, so the city lights had no clouds to reflect off of and illuminate my way.  I found that the starlight was enough to make the pale chat of the pathway glow dimly, I could find my way.   When I got to where the field was, all along the sides of the path in the grassy mown area there were the fall fireflies, to cold and tired to fly but glowing dimly.   Like always, I reflected on how much it seemed like the grass was reflecting the stars in the sky the way the river does.

I walked the dog, sadly, reflectively.   So much has happened, so much sadness.   I felt like this episode of walking the dog was so similar to my life right now, the dark times and experiences of the last few weeks make it almost impossible to find my way.   And yet, I have walked the path so often, I can find my way even in the darkest times:  my feet follow the way habitually.

Slowly, the sun began to make its presence known in the east.   I looked for the waxing crescent, but never found the young moon.   As the sun brightened, the stars dimmed, until finally I could only see the brightest ones and Jupiter shining high above.   Finally they dimmed too, but the path was ever more visible in the full light of day.

Now if only my heart would brighten too.